It was perhaps the twentieth time I’d put my running shoes on, unlocked the door, then decided against the run. Instead, I’d retreat into the dark of the early morning, sit on the floor, and watch TV, or do nothing. I was tired, I deserved a break, tomorrow would be different. Those were my standard excuses. Deep down, though, I knew I was doing more than just skipping out on a run. I was avoiding myself.
My behavior was a symptom of anxiety, exhaustion, and indecision. In the last year, I’ve excelled at all three of those things. What I haven’t excelled at is taking good care of myself or spending much time doing things for others. I was stuck in a pattern of excuses, and each one chipped away at who I wanted to be.
A few weeks ago, I listened to a gut-wrenching podcast. The guest was a business founder whose life had been upended when his wife died of colon cancer before she was thirty. He was left raising two small children alone. Later, he remarried a woman with three children who had endured her own unimaginable tragedy — she lost all the men in her family, except her youngest brother-in-law, in a plane crash.
Hearing their stories, I felt a mix of amazement and discomfort. These were people who had every reason to retreat into themselves, to let grief consume them. But instead, they used their pain as fuel. For this man — who isn’t even forty — those experiences reshaped his entire perspective. He talked about carrying the burden of loss daily but also about how those same tragedies gave him the capacity to help others through their own struggles.
I couldn’t help but compare their resilience to my own excuses. Sure, my struggles are valid — anxiety, exhaustion, and indecision are real challenges. But compared to their losses, my reasons for staying stuck felt small. And yet, their stories didn’t just humble me; they inspired me.
What struck me most about their stories was the choice they made. Our tragedies do define us, but we get to choose how. Instead of being consumed by their pain, they turned it outward, using it to build others up.
What we can do with how we’re shaped by our experiences is one of the defining characteristics of humanity. Life shapes us all in different ways, and how we respond is everything. Some people retreat, insulating themselves from further pain or reliving the pain over and over. Others rise, turning their scars into strength, not just for themselves but for others.
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to wait for tragedy to make that choice. Every day, we face moments where we can choose to stay stuck or move forward. The question is, what are we doing with those moments?
Excuses and justifications are comfortable. At least, that’s what we often tell ourselves. It’s true they shield us from discomfort and the unknown. They let us stay where we are, even if we’re unhappy. But excuses also keep us stuck.
I used my favorite excuses not to run (or otherwise take care of myself), but those excuses weren’t the real reason. Deep down, it was driven by fear that it would be hard, that I would fail, because I would have to face the reality of how far I’d let myself slide.
We all have our own version of this. Maybe it’s not a run but a conversation you’ve been avoiding, a project you’ve been putting off, or a dream you’ve let gather dust. Whatever it is, those excuses are robbing you of something more.
How do we stop making excuses?
It starts with acknowledging one simple truth: this is your life.
No one else is going to live it for you.
It’s been hard for me to acknowledge that. For years, I’ve loved blaming my employers for the problems in my life. Other people can make our lives harder or easier but it’s my life. I can choose to live it on my terms.
The next action is picking one thing you’ve been avoiding and taking one step toward it. Not tomorrow, not next week — today. Lace up your shoes, make the call, say no to something, write the first sentence. Don’t aim for perfection; aim for progress, even if it looks and feels insignificant.
Then, reframe your mindset about failure. There’s a lesson in every misstep, not a verdict. The people from the podcast didn’t wake up one day ready to conquer the world after their loss. They put one foot in front of the other, over and over and over again.
Finally, embrace discomfort. Growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone. If it’s scary or hard, it’s probably worth doing.
The couple from the podcast didn’t choose the tragedies that shaped them, but they did choose what to do with them. They turned their pain into purpose, building a life that honors the people they’ve lost and lifts others in the process. That’s powerful!
I’ve faced my own unimaginable loss, and I’ve made excuses long enough. Recently, I’ve retreated into myself instead of stepping into the life I want. And I’m done with that.
This is your life. There aren’t any do-overs or second chances. There’s no reason to wait for some kind of wake-up call or perfect moment that’s never going to come. Start now.
What’s the one excuse you’ll stop making today?
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