Grandma sat in her wheelchair, staring out the window but not really seeing. Both of our eyes were moist with tears. Hers, I think, were a mixture of grief and anger. Mine, confused and tender.
My mom — her daughter — was just six weeks shy of her 40th birthday when she passed away. I suppose it had been about a year and a half since her passing when I found myself sitting at my grandmother’s kitchen table.
Our conversation that day centered on my mother’s passing with five children still at home. We had been talking about God. My grandmother couldn’t believe in a God who would allow someone with five young children to die.
It’s ironic, I suppose, that my faith in a loving God was born that day at my grandma’s kitchen table as she expressed so much anger and sorrow. Prior to that moment, I didn’t really know where I stood. I’d been taught to believe my whole life and I made a regular habit of praying, but it was always to a God I didn’t know.
I think back often to what led me to that moment at my grandma’s table and my response to her.
- Good friends who supported me in my grief.
- A dad who despite his own terrible grief was an anchor for me.
- A teacher who challenged me to be more than I was.
- Another teacher who had lost a son to cancer at almost the same time that my mother had passed. Aunt Nancy became one of my best friends.
- Daily prayer and studying the scriptures.
The moment at grandma’s table was transformational, but it happened because of quiet, consistent, intentional steps. Young children and even teenagers often make the decisions they do based on external motivators; parents encouraging us to be a certain way or do certain things. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have the parents, friends, and mentors I do. Back then, more than 30 years ago, it was no different. I was surrounded by people who motivated me with love not force.
Reflection on that moment at my grandma’s table made me realize that profound changes almost never occur all at once. Transformation is more often the almost imperceptible outcome of intentional, incremental steps. Each nudge, conversation, and act of love worked together. The people around me weren’t imposing things on me in an effort to make me different. Instead, they supported me in the steps I was trying to take toward a goal I hadn’t defined yet.
Life is often like this. Small, intentional actions stack quietly over time, shaping not just habits, but our sense of identity.
Taking a step back to broaden the implications in my own life from the experience at my grandma’s kitchen table, the real power of small, intentional steps is that they shape who we become. Rather than focusing only on achieving external milestones (running a marathon, writing a book, or becoming more spiritual), the transformational power comes when we shift toward identity-based goals. There’s a real difference between deciding to run a marathon and becoming a runner; between committing to finish that manuscript and embracing the identity of a writer; or, in my case, between praying because it was expected and becoming someone who genuinely sought to know and connect with God.
Alignment happens when our small, consistent actions reflect who we want to be deep inside. To accomplish any lasting change in our lives, it has to be less about external validation and more about what resonates inside us.
Understanding identity-based change is powerful, but it’s not always easy or intuitive to translate that understanding into practice. How do we bridge the gap between the person we are today and the person we want to be? The answer: simple yet intentional choices, and building habits that align with who we aspire to become.
Intentional Living
Intentional living isn’t something I’ve done a lot of in recent years. My life’s been quite reactive. So, I’ll admit that this practice is new and, of late, somewhat foreign. But, I think it’s a bit like riding a bike.
Intentional living starts with defining what really matters to you. We’ve all heard the phrase “North Star” before. It’s one, or perhaps a few, of the non-negotiables in our lives. They shouldn’t be complicated or grandiose. It might be something as simple as kindness, spiritual connection, creativity, or health. It’s making a statement that, “I choose x so that I become y.”
I am a runner, but I haven’t done much running in the last 15 months. I went on a 10-mile run with friends yesterday and it reminded me how good it is to be out there with friends and move my body. Yeah, I’m sore today, but it was worth it. The mental clarity I enjoy after a long run is worth the sacrifice.
Let me be clear: my intention is not to go for a personal best in terms of miles covered. My intention is to choose running so that I become healthier again. I’ve got 35 pounds I would like to lose, and running along with a healthy diet makes that goal achievable.
Once you have clarity around whatever the guiding intention is, commit to one small, manageable action that aligns with it every day or week.
Maybe it looks like five quiet minutes spent in genuine prayer or reflection before diving into the day. Perhaps it’s jotting down a paragraph of thoughts before bed, slowly building the identity of someone who writes. Or it might simply mean offering one sincere compliment each day, nurturing an identity rooted in kindness.
Whatever it is, regular reflection is critical. You have to pause to ask yourself: Did I move closer to the person I want to be today? When you find that you’ve drifted off course — and it’ll happen — remember to be kind to yourself. Recognize that every day is another opportunity to move with intention toward your core values and the “self” you want to be.
Intentional living isn’t about perfection; in fact, pursuing perfection is a distraction from living intentionally. Instead, intentional living is simply a daily commitment to align our actions with the gentle nudges guiding us toward who we want to become.
I’ve learned (and sometimes ignored) over the years — from quiet kitchen conversations with my parents and grandparents to rediscovering the joy of running — that the path from intention to impact is almost never straightforward. Even so, it’s profoundly hopeful. We don’t have to overhaul everything in our lives overnight. That’s mostly a recipe for failure. We don’t even have to know exactly what the end goal looks like. We just have to have courage enough to take one intentional step at a time. We have to believe that these small, consistent choices will carry us toward who we want to become.
Remember, transformation doesn’t need grand, sweeping gestures or perfect discipline. Transformation actually thrives on simplicity; one, small intentional choice after another. Every step is an affirmation of who you really are and who you’re becoming.
Patience is also required, because this journey from intention to lasting impact isn’t quick, but always worth it. Small decisions have a compounding effect of creating deep internal shifts that shape our identity and character. We often have to remind ourselves that we have the power to move intentionally toward becoming our truest selves.
Intention to impact, one step at a time, is a gentle yet powerful way of becoming.
No comments:
Post a Comment