Michael Lim once wrote, “Asking for permission is fear disguised as a question.”
October 30, 2024, dawned cold. I woke up at my habitually early hour and sent the following message to my partners at the company I helped found as the minority owner.
A text is not the way to deliver this news but I want to give you both some time to process before we’re together.
I’m tendering my resignation with my last day of employment set at January 31, 2025. You’ll have my resignation letter by Monday at the latest.
I’d been sitting on this text for weeks before I sent it. Of course, a text isn’t the right way to resign from a company you helped found, but I’m not good with confrontation, and I worried how my business partner of fifteen years would take it if I dropped that bombshell on him in person. I knew he was going to need time to process without me in the room, so I settled on the text.
Truth is, I’ve wanted to start a software development company since before I met my current business partners. An awarded software project and a few circumstances at the day job precipitated the text after months of trying to juggle essentially two full-time jobs.
There were times when I felt stuck in my job, doing so much work relative to my compensation. I begged for help for more than fifteen months before we finally hired someone to help me do my job. Now, there are ten people doing the jobs I was doing alone less than two years ago.
I can’t call what happened between June and October 2024 a leap. It was more like a crawl toward doing what I’ve wanted to do for a decade and a half. If I’m honest with myself, I was waiting for someone to give me permission. Fear kept me stuck, waiting for a green light that was never going to come on its own.
I spent weeks drafting that simple text message, hesitating over and over to send it. But, waiting for the perfect way to leave would have meant not leaving.
The Drive to Do Something Else
The something else doesn’t have to be about work. Perhaps it’s about getting back in shape or fixing a troubled relationship. For me, I spent a long time telling myself I was building toward something, that eventually the time would be right. Financial security is important, and with five children — one getting married soon — that security has been more important than ever. Really, though, that’s just an excuse. I wasn’t somehow going to be more ready. I was waiting for someone to tell me that it was okay to go.
No one ever would.
So it was that I sat with that text, typing and deleting, drafting and redrafting. It was a single message, but in a way, it was my permission. The minute I sent it, I wasn’t waiting anymore.
I was acting.
The Reality of Taking Action
With age comes acceptance of the reality that rarely will anyone tell you when it’s time to take action. You just have to decide for yourself.
The minute I sent that text, I felt a rush of relief accompanied by something I didn’t expect. It was a weird mix of liberation and uncertainty. I was at peace with my decision, but had I just made the best decision of my career or my worst? Maybe both.
I went to the office that morning after giving the message some time to sink in. There was plenty of awkwardness in the office that day. Later, however, I had the chance to visit with my partners. I got to explain my motivations.
We’ve worked together a long time and have, for the most part, gotten along pretty well. So, it was hard for both of them to hear that news but they were both supportive of my decision. We’ve done things to smooth the transition even more and they’ve continued to be happy for me.
The morning following that conversation, I woke up at the same early hour, but something was different. I wasn’t beholden to the same obligations, but not because the work had changed at all. It’s because I knew my partners and I were already starting to make plans for my transition away. No new requests were piling up that I knew I would never get the resources to accomplish.
I’m approaching 50 years old, but I still won’t pretend that acting without permission is easy for me. It’s uncomfortable. It’s uncertain. It’s a bit like standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump into deep water with no idea how cold it is. But, you know you have to jump. Hesitating only prolongs the inevitable.
As I said, no one was ever going to give me permission to leave. No one was ever going to tell me, “Now is the time.” That moment only arrived when I chose to create it myself.
Question is: are you waiting for a green light that will never come? If you are, maybe it’s time to stop asking and start acting.
No comments:
Post a Comment