In High School, my best friend and I knew that in order to increase the likelihood that girls would want to go out with us we needed to do two things: learn to cook and watch all the Anne of Green Gables movies which were hugely popular when I was in my dating years.¹
It was in a Tenth Grade foods class that we learned to bake lasagna from scratch, including making our own noodles. We worked on mastering the recipe as it was often tricky to avoid making noodles that were either too hard or too rubbery.
But, it wasn’t until just after we graduated from High School that we got to try that recipe out on a few young ladies who agreed to enjoy an evening with a home-cooked meal, some games, and Disney’s Hercules.
Of course, I couldn’t have known at the time that the lovely young lady I invited on that date would someday be my wife. I am certain, however, that my ability to cook was one of the things that won her parents over when she was still on the fence about me.
Back then, I rarely hesitated in making a decision about something. I was either going to do it or I wasn’t. When several of my friends decided to go cliff jumping at a lake not too far from home, it was easy for me to recuse myself. I didn’t care that they called me “chicken” for not wanting to do it. My fear of heights at the time made it an easy decision.
As I got older, certain doubts crept in. Indecision became the norm in many difficult circumstances.
Decision paralysis is something that impacts a lot of people. It’s when you’re stuck in a mental loop of overthinking, weighing options, or fearing the wrong choice to the point where you can’t actually make a decision. It’s like having too many tabs open in your brain and not being able to click on any of them.
While it’s important to weigh options when making tough decisions, spending vast amounts of time exploring all the options often won’t lead to a differentiated outcome. It’s a bit like reading 100 lasagna recipes then expecting to make the best lasagna ever on your first try. Making a great lasagna requires a lot of effort, especially when you’re making some of the ingredients yourself.
Sometimes, you make decisions that are part of an iterative process. If you try something and it doesn’t work, you can back up a few steps and try again. While some of those mistakes made can be costly, it’s important to remember the value of what you learn along the way. As the adage goes, you learn more from your mistakes than your successes.
What about big, life-altering decisions that don’t have an iterative process, like getting married or deciding to bring children into the equation?² Many times, these can be really hard decisions, and I don’t want to diminish the struggle that sometimes takes place in making those decisions. However, there does come a time when you have to make the lasagna. Of course, that metaphorical lasagna might also be a decision not to make the lasagna.
You might decide to take the new job or you might make the decision not to take it. Both are decisions with different outcomes. The important thing is to make the decision.
Here are some practical tips on getting out of decision paralysis:
Embrace Imperfection
The first time I made lasagna noodles from scratch, they ended up harder than the countertop where I rolled them out, but I had to start somewhere. Not every decision will lead to a perfect outcome. Another adage is that mistakes are part of life. It’s important to focus on progress rather than perfection. As the wise Rafiki once said, “Ah yes! The past can hurt, but the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it.”
Narrow Your Options
Sometimes, when the decision is among several things, it’s good to begin with an exercise of limiting the list by asking the question, “Which one of these would I have the hardest time living without?” then eliminating the options that don’t hold as much value to you. Getting the list down to two or three options improves the chance of avoiding decision paralysis early on because this forces you to evaluate the merit of each option.
Ask What You’ll Learn
Frame the decision as a learning opportunity. Instead of obsessing over the “right” or “wrong” choice, ask yourself: What will I gain or learn from this step, even if it doesn’t work out like I planned? This’ll shift your focus from fear to growth.
Take One Small Step
For decisions that feel overwhelming, start with one small action. Maybe you’re not going to make the whole lasagna today, but you’re just going to work on the noodles. You might spend a little money experimenting, but that’s better than spending a lot only to find out it was a bad choice. Each small step builds momentum toward the big decision or helps you see the flaws early on in your plan.
Decisions — big and small — are like making lasagna. You can spend endless hours perfecting the recipe in your mind, but at some point, you’ve got to roll up your sleeves and start cooking. Most of the time, the noodles won’t be perfect, and that’s okay. Remember, progress is more valuable than perfection, and even the less-than-ideal outcomes are opportunities to learn and grow.
At the end of the day, the only bad decision is refusing to make one. Action, however imperfect, will always move you forward.³
¹ I still date my wife regularly. My personal philosophy is that is incredibly important for maintaining a strong, healthy relationship, especially where there are five kids involved.
² There’s a growing sentiment which I vehemently oppose that marriage is an iterative process. . .just keep trying until you find “the right one,” also that kids are optional.
³ Unless the decision you made had the potential for deleterious effects on your life and you chose the path of lower intelligence.
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