I’m a professional ruminator. No, not the kind with a multi-chambered stomach. I’m one of those people who can latch onto a thought — usually one that elicits difficult-to-deal with emotions — and hold onto it with all the intensity of a toddler holding a dirt-covered lollipop.
I excel at both pre- and post-rumination, often holding conversations with people in my head about difficult subjects long before discussing it with them, if ever.
Years ago, I was involved in the sale of a durable goods distribution company. Part of the sale was an attempt to liquidate inventory that had not sold in a long time. During much of the workday, I was busy moving inventory from one warehouse to another and helping to organize it. Later in the day, I would man the old warehouse to meet potential buyers of whatever flotsam we had left. The idea was to sell the products for whatever I could get for them.
On a particularly hot afternoon in August, a long-time customer and friend came in to buy an item that had more dust on it than Tutankhamun’s tomb. I sold it for a song — happy to be rid of it and happy to be one step closer to completing the arduous task of moving the aged-out inventory.
As it happened, my boss came over while the customer was still perusing the remnant piles. He noticed the item I’d sold in the back of the customer’s truck and asked what I’d sold it for.
I told him.
“Why would you sell it for so little?” He asked with a tone that said, “you’re an idiot.”
“You told me to sell the inventory for whatever I could get for it.” Was my reply.
Without another word, my boss went and retrieved the item from the customer’s truck — without permission — and proceeded to try to refund him his money. The customer was upset and argued with my boss, yet my boss persisted. In the end, my boss won. The customer accepted the refund and left without purchasing anything else.
I was so embarrassed for him, myself, and our company that my embarrassment turned into unexpressed rage.
That was more than 7 years ago, and simply recalling that story causes my blood pressure to rise.
Like I said: a professional ruminator.
Have you ever watched a terrible TV show but you keep watching hoping that it’ll get better? Rumination is like that. Even worse, rumination is like watching the TV show on repeat in your brain.
Rumination, on the shallow end of the spectrum, is a waste of time and energy. Moving up the ladder, it increases anxiety and diminishes both focus and productivity. At the top of the scale — the professional ruminator step — rumination leads to long-term negative impacts on mental health, making rumination increasingly difficult to avoid.
Rumination sucks, and if you’re stuck in it, it can be very difficult to escape.
What hope is there?
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the practice of metacognition — thinking about thoughts — is an interesting one. On the surface, metacognition and rumination look very similar. The crucial difference, however, is that metacognition seeks to increase curiosity about why we think the way we do and stop the kind of thinking that defines rumination. In other words, rumination accomplishes the opposite of metacognition. Rumination keeps us stuck in a particular way of thinking and often leads to spirals of increased stress and anxiety.
Metacognition, on the other hand, seeks to build capability of watching as a thought crosses the mental stage, being curious about it in a judgment-free way, then allowing the thought to move on if it doesn’t serve a purpose.
As with most psychological things, making a change must begin with awareness. If you’re a pro ruminator, this awareness will require a lot of practice and just as much grace for yourself for falling back into old habits.
I’ve often referenced the “stop, challenge, choose” methodology which is applicable here. If you can stop the rumination long enough to challenge your way of thinking then you’ve opened up space to choose metacognition over rumination.
From there, you can apply any number of techniques to analyze thoughts: simple reflection, journaling, talking it out with someone (removing as much drama as possible), or maybe talking it through out loud with yourself (but probably not in the middle of a crowded shopping center). Whatever the approach, the goal is the same: to stop the cycle of replaying events without seeking any resolution.
Life’s a lot better when you can deal with those things that need to be resolved and moving past the rest.
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